


Locked Up

by tablelamp



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, M/M, Memory Loss, Series 6 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26065681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tablelamp/pseuds/tablelamp
Summary: A different take on Rimmer after his isolation in "Rimmerworld."
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

He's imagining them, of course. He knows he is as soon as they arrive. He's imagined people to keep him company before, though most of the recent ones have looked like him. These don't, so maybe his imagination is getting better. He ignores them. They'll go away soon.

"Rimmer," one of them says. That's what people used to call him. He remembers somewhere with other people, but that was a long time ago. There are no other people now, only infinite copies of him, and they all hate him.

One of the imaginary people is crouching down in front of Rimmer now. His forehead is wrinkled. He looks...something. Worried, maybe? Rimmer doesn't really remember what other people's facial expressions look like. "Rimmer, you all right?"

"Oh," Rimmer says. It seems strange to speak aloud to someone who isn't there. "You want to talk to me."

The person's forehead is even more wrinkled now, and his eyes have quite a lot of feeling in them. "Yeah, of course we do."

"He's gone space crazy," grumbles the stylishly dressed imaginary person at the back of the cell. He's immediately shushed by the geometric-headed imaginary person next to him.

Space. Rimmer thinks he remembers something about that. Maybe he used to be there. It's hard to remember. Everything is hard to remember.

"Rimmer," the crouching man says insistently, resting a hand on Rimmer's arm. "What's happened to you? How'd you get here, man?"

Rimmer doesn't hear anything after his name. He's staring at the hand on his arm. "I can feel that."

"What?" The crouching man taps his finger on Rimmer's arm gently. "This?"

Rimmer reaches out with his own hands to touch the crouching man. He touches arms, shoulders, hands, shoulders again. He feels real. But he isn't. But he has to be.

"I'm here," the crouching man says. "We all are."

Rimmer pulls his hands away, suspicious. "It's a trick." He chose to leave. He remembers that. He chose to leave somewhere with other people and this is the place he made for himself...all the himselves. They've found some way to make themselves look different, that's all, but it's still them. They hate him so much, and in the end, he knows he deserves it.

The crouching man touches Rimmer's arm again, deliberately. "It's no trick."

Touch again, the sensation of touch. That's not a lie. How many years has it been since he was touched? "They don't like to touch me."

"The other Rimmers?" the crouching man asks.

Rimmer nods. "They said I was an abomination." He looks at the crouching man. "Do you think that?"

"Course not," the crouching man says with what Rimmer thinks is indignation. "Boys from the Dwarf, remember?"

Who from the what? "Not really."

"Do you not remember anything?" the crouching man asks.

"I know I wasn't always here," Rimmer says. But it's been so long.

The crouching man has a different feeling in his eyes now, one Rimmer doesn't know. "I'm Dave Lister. That's Cat and Kryten. We came to get you."

That does sound a bit familiar. Rimmer tries to remember more about leaving, but there are only small flashes--the panic, the worry, and something about the others not being happy with him. "For punishment."

"What?" Lister looks surprised.

"When I left, you were angry." Rimmer pushes himself against the wall, backing away from Lister. "What will you do to me?"

"I have a list if you'd like some suggestions," the one called Cat says.

Lister gives Cat an angry look. "Not now." He turns back to Rimmer. "I think you've been punished enough. How long have you been here?"

Rimmer points to the walls. He's kept track, though his maths might've got a little dodgy in the last twenty years or so. He was starting to run out of wall.

"Speed count mode," the one called Kryten says. Then he looks surprised. "Five hundred fifty-seven."

Lister looks horrified. That's an emotion Rimmers have, so Rimmer recognises it. "You've been here almost the whole time?"

"They tried to kill me first," Rimmer says faintly. "When that didn't work, they locked me up."

"Smeg," Lister says. "I'm sorry."

Rimmer looks at Lister blankly. That's not a word he remembers. 

Lister shakes his head. "We've got to get you out of here." He turns to Kryten, and starts talking, though Rimmer doesn't pay much attention to what he's saying. After all this time, the idea verges on nonsense. Getting out of here. Where would he go? The other Rimmers will only find him again.

There's a brief, surprising flash of red, and then Rimmer isn't in his cell anymore. At least, it doesn't look like he's in his cell. He shuts his eyes, counts patiently to ten, and opens them again. Still not his cell.

Lister has whatever that very emotional look is in his eyes. "Rimmer, d'you know this place?"

Now that Lister mentions it, there is something about it that tickles the back of Rimmer's mind. He looks from side to side. "I don't think it's my cell, is it?"

"No, man, it's not your cell," Lister says. "Think. Do you remember anything at all?"

He does, but it doesn't make sense. "Are we in a bug?"

Lister looks delighted. "Starbug!" 

It's embarrassing to be so ignorant. "I don't know what that is."

"It's home," Lister says. "For you and me and Cat and Kryten. It's a ship."

Rimmer should understand this. He knows he should, but the memories are so old he barely has access to them. "We can leave?"

"We did leave," Lister says. "You don't have to go back to that place ever again."

Rimmer stares at him. "The others can't find me?"

"No," Lister says.

That's a bit overwhelming. Rimmer has spent so much of the last five hundred fifty years worrying that the other Rimmers would somehow find a way to destroy him that not having to worry about them doesn't seem real. Rimmer rotates his tiny worry balls in his hand with one finger. "Am I going to be locked up again?"

Some new emotion appears on Lister's face. "You're not. Promise."

Rimmers don't honour their promises, but something about Lister makes Rimmer think he will. "I think I believe you."

"Good," Lister says with a satisfied nod. He turns away.

"Lister," Rimmer says.

Lister turns back.

Rimmer stands, crossing to Lister and touching his arm. Someone to talk to. Someone to touch. Someone real, he thinks, though it may take a while to convince himself of that.

"I left you," Rimmer says.

Lister looks wary, but he nods.

"I shouldn't have left you," Rimmer says. 

Lister shrugs, looking as though he's not enjoying this conversation. "It's over now."

"It isn't," Rimmer protests. "I remember. You were angry."

Lister doesn't look away, but he's clearly waiting for more information.

"I don't think I want you to hate me," Rimmer says.

Lister shakes his head. "I don't hate you, Rimmer. I don't like everything you do, but I don't hate you."

Doesn't he? Everyone else does. "Oh."

Lister rests a hand atop Rimmer's. "You've had a hard day. Try and relax. Get used to being back."

Rimmer doesn't know how he can get used to something he can't remember. "Where do I go?"

Lister smiles. "Come on. I'll show you around."

Rimmer hopes this place will start to feel familiar soon. He hopes the people will too. He thinks he wants to remember them.


	2. Asleep, Awake

He opens his eyes to dark walls covered in tally marks. No. It can't be.

"Did you really think you got out?" sneers a voice--his voice. He can't tell if it's one of the other Rimmers or his own thoughts.

"I did," he whispers.

"You'll never get out," the other voice says. "You'll be here forever."

Rimmer doesn't know how he got back here exactly, but the other Rimmers must've found him. "I won't. Lister found me last time. Now he knows where to look." 

The voice laughs. "You think he's real?"

Holograms can't take in any air, and they don't need it, but because their hologrammatic body is being run by a computer-stored version of their very human brain, they usually go through the motions of breathing anyway. Unless they've received a shock. Then sometimes everything stops. Rimmer is too stunned to breathe right now. He can't have imagined his whole rescue.

"Never mind," the voice says. "You'll have plenty of time to think about it."

Rimmer covers his ears and backs into the corner.

"Stop," he whispers. "Stop."

***

Lister wakes up before he knows why he's awake. He listens for a minute. Starbug sounds normal. Kryten's on down time, and Cat never sleeps in here anyway. That leaves Rimmer. Lister's been worried about Rimmer ever since they got back from Rimmerworld. He's unusually quiet, and he doesn't seem to remember much about anybody or anything, including himself. Maybe that shouldn't be surprising. Rimmer was what, twentysomething when he died? Thirtysomething? Now he's however old he was plus six hundred, and more than five hundred of those years, he was by himself. Lister isn't sure what he'd remember either, if he'd been away so long. 

"Stop," Rimmer whispers.

Lister can't just stand by and let Rimmer suffer through whatever nastiness his mind's come up with. He turns on the lights and gets up, crossing to Rimmer and shaking his shoulder a bit. "Rimmer? You awake?"

Rimmer comes to himself with a start, eyes immediately focusing on Lister. He looks frozen for a moment, worried, not sure where he is, but before Lister has a chance to say anything, Rimmer hurls himself at Lister, arms wrapping around him in the most unexpected hug Lister's ever received.

"Please be real," Rimmer says, more to himself than to Lister.

Lister hugs Rimmer in turn. "I am." He studies Rimmer's face. "Bad dream?"

"I was back there," Rimmer says unsteadily, pulling away from Lister. "I'd only imagined this." He pokes Lister's leg to satisfy himself that it's real. Lister pokes Rimmer's leg in turn, which makes Rimmer smile--only for a minute, but it's nice to see. With all that's happened to Rimmer, it's clear he's been sort of mentally rearranged. Lister isn't sure how, or what it means, but he's trying to be gentle.

"Did you used to imagine getting away when you were there?" Lister asks.

"Not getting away," Rimmer says. "But sometimes I'd pretend there were other people with me."

Lister nods. "No wonder you didn't believe it when you saw us."

"Nothing's changed for me in half a millennium," Rimmer says quietly. "Seeing new people, coming here--it's happened so quickly." He tries to smile. "I suppose I can't expect my dreams to catch up right away."

"No, probably not," Lister agrees. He pauses. "Other than that, how are you?"

Rimmer takes a moment to think about it, frowning. "I'm not sure. I don't think I can--" His frown deepens to a scowl. "I'm not good at words."

He seems all right to Lister. "How do you mean?"

Rimmer looks at Lister. "This is the most I've talked to anyone in ages. I'm not used to it. And I think...I think I don't know some of the words I used to."

"Makes sense," Lister says. "You haven't used 'em." That explains why Rimmer's been so quiet. 

Rimmer shakes his head. "I feel stupid."

"You're not," Lister says. "You're just out of practice. I'll talk to you."

Rimmer doesn't say anything but he gives Lister a tiny smile. "What should we talk about?"

"Well, we've got new food stores," Lister says, "so now we can eat real food instead of moss."

Rimmer chuckles. "You and your curries." He turns his head and sees Lister staring at him. "What?"

"You remember what I like to eat?" Lister didn't think Rimmer was paying that much attention.

"Do I?" Rimmer says, looking uncertain. "And I like to eat--no. I don't think I eat, do I?"

"No," Lister says. "Though now you're hard light, maybe you can."

Rimmer nods. "They won't come for me, will they?"

"Who, the other Rimmers?" Lister says. "I don't think they can. The seeding ship's rusting by now, and they don't know how to build more ships." He touches Rimmer's arm. It's new for him too; Rimmer hasn't been hard light that long. "Besides, we'd fight 'em off."

Rimmer nods but doesn't answer. Lister thinks maybe he's used up all the words he has at the moment.

"You must be tired," Lister offers.

Rimmer shakes his head. "I'll dream again."

"Then I'll stay here with you," Lister says. He can wake Rimmer again if the nightmares get too bad.

Rimmer thinks about it, then says very quietly, "You don't mind?"

Lister shakes his head. "I'll be right next to you."

Rimmer lies down and Lister does the same, turning the lights off.

"Happy night, Lister," Rimmer says. Lister hides a smile. He'd said goodnight to Rimmer earlier, and Rimmer apparently didn't remember it quite right. Ah well. No need to embarrass him. They'll sort it out later.

"Happy night, Rimmer," Lister says.


	3. Chapter 3

Rimmer doesn't know exactly what wakes him, but he hasn't had any bad dreams since Lister came over to sleep beside him. He feels warm. He can't think why until he hears a muffled grumble in the direction of his back.

Rimmer is lying on his side, and Lister has his arms around him, and his cheek against Rimmer's shoulder.

Rimmer's memory is still full of holes, but he doesn't think he and Lister used to sleep like this. But it means something, doesn't it, that Lister is so comfortable with him he's cuddled against him in his sleep? Maybe he's doing it to comfort Rimmer. Rimmer isn't used to being comforted, but he allows himself to relax into the sensation. It's nice. He can't decide if he wants to turn over so he can hug Lister, but he decides against it. He doesn't want to disturb his...what is the word for it? Never mind. He'll sort it out tomorrow. For now, whatever Lister is, he's definitely one of Rimmer's.

Instead, he hugs Lister's arms closer to him, which makes Lister mumble in his sleep and pull Rimmer closer. Rimmer moves closer eagerly; he doesn't want this to end, and he doesn't want to forget what this feels like. He knows it can't have happened before, because even in six hundred years, he would remember something like this. He's being held. Someone is holding him.

When he and Lister are like this, Rimmer knows he's safe.

***

Lister wakes with his face mashed into someone's back and his arms around the same someone, and for a minute, he can't think who it is. Then he remembers moving next to Rimmer in the night. Funny--Rimmer hugged him last night, and now Lister's returned the favour. 

In a way, this shows the change in Rimmer. Rimmer as he was when he left would never have tolerated being held like this. He hadn't even liked Lister before all this had happened, but he doesn't seem to mind him now. Lister wonders what happened in six hundred years to change Rimmer's mind. Or maybe he's only asleep and hasn't noticed Lister's curled up with him yet. That's probably it. Lister sighs.

Immediately, Lister's theory is proved wrong when Rimmer rolls over to face Lister at the sound of his sigh. "Are you all right?"

Lister's mind short-circuits. Rimmer is this close to him, asking him if he's all right? "Fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," Rimmer says. "I was awake." He almost smiles.

Lister's never seen Rimmer this quiet and this vulnerable. It makes him feel--well, he's not sure how it makes him feel. It makes him feel a lot of things. "Are you all right?"

Rimmer nods. "I liked what we did."

"What did we do?" Lister asks, wondering what Rimmer's thinking of.

"Last night," Rimmer clarifies. "You leaning on me, and so close."

It's such an unexpectedly lovely thing to say that Lister is surprised into smiling. He's sure Rimmer has never said he likes being close to Lister before. "I liked it too." 

Rimmer touches Lister's arm, fingers dancing lightly as though he's playing piano. Lister hasn't given much thought to Rimmer's hard-light status, but as Rimmer seems to be so affected by casual touch, Lister's realising he hasn't had much in the way of touch either. It's nice.

"Can we do it again?" Rimmer asks.

"You mean at night?" Lister's got to be imagining this. There's no way Rimmer is asking if they can cuddle.

Except apparently he is. "If that's all right."

"Fine," Lister says, because what else can he say? They snuggled together, neither one minded, and now Rimmer wants to repeat the experience. If there's a different way of interpreting what's happening here, Lister can't see it.

"Good," Rimmer says, taking Lister's hand and just holding it for a bit.

Lister is definitely in over his head. But that's almost starting to feel normal at this point.


End file.
